Photographic Evidence

I went to Kuredu Island in the Maldives last summer and it was gorgeous. The whole place was perfect, but I'm not going to go on about that, because you can just google the Maldives and see how awesome it looks. Instead, I feel that its more important to discuss my worst nightmare which literally STALKED me, watching my every move and waiting for the opportune moment to chase me into unwanted places and do unwanted things.

This terrible happening occurred more than five times. I like to think my memory blocked the last few times because it was so horrific. My brother, Richard, was with me during one sighting, and I'm not sure who screamed the highest or loudest. But it was most probably Richard.

The worst occasion, however, was when I was walking with my mum down one of the beautiful clear beaches. My mum did not even flinch when we saw it. She would let a WASP sit down and have a lie down on her ARM though, so that's not saying much. But I saw it from a mile away. It saw me from across the whole bloody island, I am not exaggerating it literally always knew where I was. And it looked at me, and CHASED me for about ten terrifying minutes down the beach, I was screaming and begging for mercy. People came out of the beach huts to watch but no one even attempted to help. My dear mother instead had tears of laughter and took a photograph. I nearly DROWNED trying to escape it. Eventually it let me go, satisfied that I had had the worst experience of my life. Not that it was the last time I saw it. But it was definitely the most horrific.

Excuse the great fat arse on the photograph, but you try looking hot in a bikini running for your life from a disgusting beast.